Recognizing Anxiety in Children and Teens

When we think about anxiety, we often associate it with adults juggling responsibilities, careers, and daily stresses. However, anxiety is not exclusive to grown-ups. Children and teenagers can also experience anxiety, and it is more common than many people realize. The challenge is that kids and teens may not always have the language or self-awareness to express their feelings. As a result, their anxiety might go unnoticed or be misunderstood. This is precisely what happened to my daughter. Her anxiety went unnoticed for a very long time, and it has become one of the challenges we face as a family together. In fact, we are still learning about it, and trying to help her find ways to cope and address it.

Recognizing anxiety in younger individuals is an essential step toward helping them develop healthy coping mechanisms and emotional resilience. I would like to explore what I’ve learned on whether children and teenagers experience anxiety, what signs to look for, and how parents or caregivers can support them. I hope to explain my daughter’s experiences and some of the things we have done to help her cope and deal with her anxiety.

Yes, Kids and Teens Can Have Anxiety

Anxiety is a regular part of childhood and adolescence. Things like feeling nervous before a big test, getting butterflies before a school play, or worrying about making new friends at school are all examples of typical anxiety. But when anxiety becomes intense, frequent, or starts to interfere with daily life or activities, it might indicate an anxiety disorder.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics and the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders are the most common mental health conditions in children and adolescents. Studies estimate that roughly 1 in 8 children and 1 in 3 teenagers will experience significant anxiety at some point. (source)

The tricky part is that anxiety can look very different depending on a child’s age, personality, and experiences. What may seem like “just a phase” could actually be a deeper emotional struggle that needs attention.

Understanding the Different Types of Anxiety in Youth

Before diving into the warning signs, it’s helpful to know that anxiety in children and teens can take different forms. Here are some of the most common types of anxiety found in children and teens:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), a disorder where children experience persistent and excessive worry about everyday matters such as school performance, friendships, or family issues. This type of anxiety can feel constant and overwhelming.

Social Anxiety Disorder involves an intense fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations. Kids with this form of anxiety might avoid speaking in class, participating in group activities, or even attending school altogether due to fear of being perceived negatively.

Separation Anxiety tends to appear in younger children and centers around an intense fear of being away from a parent or caregiver. While some clinginess is normal in early development, extreme distress or refusal to be apart from loved ones can signal a deeper issue.

Panic Disorder is where children experience sudden episodes of intense fear accompanied by physical symptoms like a racing heart, dizziness, or difficulty breathing. These panic attacks often seem to come out of nowhere, adding to the child’s distress.

Specific Phobias involve an extreme fear of a particular object or situation, such as animals, the dark, or thunderstorms. The fear often seems out of proportion to the actual danger but can cause real avoidance and distress.

Selective Mutism is a condition where a child who can speak comfortably in some settings, like at home, consistently fails to speak in others, such as at school. This goes beyond shyness and can significantly interfere with academic and social development.

Signs to Look For in Children and Teens

Anxiety doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Sometimes it creeps in through subtle changes in behavior or mood. As a parent, teacher, or caregiver, here are some signs that may indicate a child or teen is struggling with anxiety:

1. Physical Complaints with No Clear Cause

Kids with anxiety often experience physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, nausea, or fatigue. These symptoms are real to them, even with no underlying medical issue. The body and mind are deeply connected, and anxiety often shows up physically before it’s ever verbalized.

My daughter experienced the physical symptoms of stomachaches and headaches when we first started noticing her anxiety. Initially, we thought her headaches were caused by her needing glasses, but even after getting her glasses, she continued to have headaches.

2. Avoidance Behaviors

Does your child refuse to go to school, avoid social situations, or try to get out of specific activities? Avoidance is a common coping strategy for anxious children. If they consistently avoid places or experiences that most kids their age can handle, this could be a red flag.

We first noticed something wasn’t quite right with our daughter when bedtime became a struggle. She refused to be alone and constantly asked if we would check on her or if one of us, usually her dad, would be nearby watching TV in the family room. She needed constant reassurance that we were close and available if she needed anything. It took a while to realize this was part of her anxiety.

3. Perfectionism or Fear of Making Mistakes

Some kids with anxiety hold themselves to impossible standards. They may cry over small mistakes, redo their homework repeatedly, or avoid trying new things altogether because they fear failure.

Perfectionism is still something our daughter struggles with today. It first became noticeable during her piano practice. Even a single missed note would leave her frustrated, and if she made multiple mistakes, she would often end up in tears. With support and guidance, she’s made great progress and now handles piano practice much more calmly. However, perfectionism also shows up in her schoolwork. She puts a lot of pressure on herself to earn straight A’s or perfect scores on tests. When she falls short of those expectations, she becomes visibly upset. This continues to be a challenge, and while we’re working through it together, it’s still difficult for her to manage.

4. Irritability or Mood Swings

While we often associate anxiety with worry or fear, it can also manifest as irritability or anger. Teens, especially, might lash out or seem overly sensitive. This doesn’t mean they are defiant; they may be overwhelmed by anxious thoughts they don’t know how to express.

As a parent, this one still takes me by surprise. Everything can feel calm and joyful one moment, and then suddenly, my daughter is yelling over something that seems minor. I often find myself thinking, “Wait, what just happened?” It’s like a switch flips in the blink of an eye. When she’s in that state, she becomes irrational and starts breathing heavily. Lately, these episodes have been happening more frequently. We’re actively working through it together, and once I figure out how to navigate this more effectively, I’ll be sure to share what I’ve learned in another blog post. In the mean time, do you have any good ways to help deal with the sudden irritability? I’d love to hear!

5. Difficulty Sleeping

Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing nightmares can be linked to anxiety. If your child regularly has bedtime battles, frequent night wakings, or complains of poor sleep, anxiety could be a factor.

I already talked about this earlier, but it took her hours to fall asleep when she was having trouble and did not want to go to bed.

6. Excessive Reassurance Seeking

An anxious child might repeatedly ask the same questions to gain reassurance. “Are you sure you’re picking me up after school?” or “What if I mess up my presentation?” This constant need for confirmation suggests that their internal world feels unpredictable or unsafe.

Our daughter periodically will seek excessive reassurance. It usually happens around big events. We find that sometimes, she needs our assurance that something is going to happen the way it is supposed to, and that things will go according to plan.

7. Decline in Academic Performance or Participation

If a child who used to love school suddenly starts struggling or disengaging, anxiety could be the root cause. Fear of failure, social anxiety, or panic attacks might be interfering with their ability to concentrate or participate.

We don’t see this in our daughter, in fact it seems to be the opposite of a decline. With her desire to be perfect, that translates to her school work and effort. We do have to reassure her though, that we’re happy with her best, the best she can do, and try not to put excessive stress on getting perfect scores.

What Causes Anxiety in Children and Teens?

Anxiety in children and teens often arises from a combination of factors, and no single cause tells the whole story. One major influence is family history. If anxiety or other mental health conditions run in the family, a child may be more likely to develop similar struggles. Genetics can play a significant role in shaping how a child responds to stress or uncertainty.

Personality traits also contribute. Children who are naturally more sensitive, cautious, or shy may be more vulnerable to anxiety. These traits don’t guarantee a child will develop an anxiety disorder, but they can increase the risk, especially when paired with environmental stressors.

Life events and transitions are another common source. Moving to a new home, starting a new school, experiencing a divorce in the family, or losing a loved one can all create emotional stress that fuels anxious thinking. These changes often come with uncertainty, which can feel overwhelming for a child who craves predictability.

Academic and social pressures can also weigh heavily. Kids today face high expectations in both school performance and social settings. Trying to meet those expectations, fit in with peers, or avoid rejection can create intense stress, especially during adolescence.

Lastly, experiences like bullying or trauma can leave a lasting emotional impact. Whether it’s a one-time traumatic event or ongoing mistreatment, these experiences can erode a child’s sense of safety and control, often leading to heightened anxiety.

In working to understand my daughter’s source of anxiety, I look at it from a few of these perspectives. I think her anxiety comes heavily from my family history. I personally struggle with anxiety, as do a lot of my family members. COVID-19 was a big change in our household, and I think it triggered a large part of my daughter’s anxiety too. The two months that we had to stay home and she couldn’t attend school were extremely difficult. You can read more about this in Suffering Through the Pandemic, One Child’s Journey.

It’s essential to remember that anxiety is not caused by bad parenting or personal weakness. It’s a mental health condition that can be managed with the right support.

How to Support an Anxious Child or Teen

Supporting a child with anxiety begins with empathy and awareness. Here are some practical steps you can take:

1. Validate Their Feelings

Let your child know it’s okay to feel worried or scared. Avoid dismissing their fears with statements like “You’re fine” or “There’s nothing to worry about.” Instead, say things like “That sounds really tough” or “I can see this is bothering you.”

2. Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Create a safe space where your child feels comfortable talking to you. Ask open-ended questions and listen without judgment. Be patient if they struggle to find the right words.

Luckily for me, my daughter will talk to me. It is usually late at night, but I am grateful she will talk to me. If she is at school, she will text me if she is having some anxiety, and we will talk through it together.

3. Model Calm and Coping Strategies

Children often learn by observing the adults around them. Show them how you handle stress and anxiety in healthy ways. Practice deep breathing together, talk through solutions, or take breaks when things feel overwhelming.

This is a hard one to model, especially if you have anxiety yourself, like I do. I try my best when I am anxious to show healthy ways to get through it.

4. Establish Routines and Predictability

Having a consistent routine can help anxious kids feel more secure. Predictable schedules, clear expectations, and structured transitions can reduce uncertainty.

5. Consider Professional Help

If anxiety is interfering with your child’s daily life, a licensed mental health professional can help. Therapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy are especially effective in treating anxiety in young people.

After a while of my daughter struggling with her anxiety, we decided that she needed to talk to a professional therapist. Initially, she would go and talk to a professional once every two weeks. During these session of cognitive-behavioral therapy, her doctor gave her many tools to help her that she still uses to this day. We try to always let her know that if she is struggling, and feels that she needs to go back to the therapist, that she can let me know and we’ll set up an appointment. For my daughter, getting professional help was a game changer. It amazed me just how much it helped her.

Anxiety in children and teenagers is very real, and recognizing the signs early can make a significant difference in their well-being. While it may feel overwhelming to address at first, know that support is available. With patience, understanding, and sometimes professional guidance, children can learn to manage their anxiety and grow into emotionally strong and confident individuals.

By staying attuned to what they’re experiencing and offering a steady hand to hold, you’re already doing one of the most important things: showing them they are not alone.