Why Do We Focus On Perfection?
I see a pattern, a pattern in everything I see online. I see it on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, other blog posts, and just about everything else. That pattern? Everything looks so incredibly perfect, and perfection is always the ideal. It drives me insane! Why do we always focus on perfection?
When I scroll through Pinterest because that is what I am on the most, it always appears that everything is perfect. The topic doesn’t matter, and I always wonder how people accomplish such perfection.
For example, I recently looked up ways to organize my pantry because I felt it was a complete disaster. Of course, knowing me, I first go to Pinterest to get ideas. The articles I read and pictures I saw comprised these perfectly organized shelves that used all these fancy containers and baskets.
Based on what I saw, I needed a bunch of containers, baskets, and a label maker to label everything. My next step was to go to Amazon and see what was available and what I could order. Once I put everything in my cart, the total came to over two hundred dollars. For most of you, that probably isn’t too big of a deal, but I am very cautious about how I spend my money, and I thought that was a ridiculous amount of money to spend just to try and make my pantry more organized.
If I truly wanted to do this, I would have to budget it into my monthly budget and buy a little at a time over a period of months. Was it worth taking months to organize my pantry? That just seemed like so much work.
The more and more I looked at the pictures and read the articles, the more I realized that many of the pantries I saw were not practical. There were no bags of chips, cans of soup, or just cans. There were no boxes of cereal or crackers, nothing that you would likely use regularly in their own containers. Yeah, the pantries looked nice, but they didn’t function well.
The pictures and articles were designed to showcase perfection, not to be practical. If I want practical ways to organize my pantry, I wonder how I get that if everything online shows perfection.
I do not doubt that there are fantastic pantries that are excellent for those who have them; however, that doesn’t work for me or my family, and I’m guessing I’m not alone.
Anyway, that takes me back to the beginning of this post. Why do we always focus on perfection? Why do we gravitate to perfection when that isn’t reality? Why can’t we show how messy our lives can be? Why can’t we be authentic? If we took a step back and talked about how our lives are, I believe we would find we have more connections with each other. It is time for us to come together and be more authentic.
Oh, and just a side note. I talked a lot about pantries, and while I don’t want to put all my pantry food in containers, I am looking for more practical and cheaper ideas on how to organize a pantry. If you have any such ideas, I would love to hear them!
Can a Teenager With ADHD Drive?
As soon as my son was diagnosed with ADHD-Inattentive type, my brain had so many questions. One of those questions that always came back to me was whether he could learn to drive, having ADHD.
Can a teenager with ADHD drive? In short, yes! But let me tell you about our experience.
My son turned sixteen a couple of months ago, and I will tell you that the last year has been a whirlwind.
Surprisingly, my son is getting his driver’s license was a lot of work. I think some of it is because he is my oldest, so getting a driver’s license was a new experience for both of us. It was a year’s worth of work for both of us. He had to take the test to get his learner’s permit, drive many hours, take a Driver’s Education course, and take a lot of drives with an instructor.
Before he got started, I always thought that his ADHD was going to be a problem. He wouldn’t be able to pay attention in class or while driving. This was very far from what happened.
He got his learner’s permit very quickly. He just had to take a written test. Getting him to drive the car was the hardest part. And it wasn’t the ADHD that ended up being the problem. He ended up having a great deal of anxiety. Every time he drove, he worried about getting into an accident and wrecking the car.
Even as he got more experience with driving, he has struggled to get over his anxiety. From the beginning, he never enjoyed driving, so getting him to commit to driving was always a battle. Once he got his license and realized how much more freedom he had, his anxiety went down.
In the end, and with much celebration, my son received his license. It was a lot of work to get there, but every child is different, and every child’s ADHD is different. Can a teenager with ADHD drive? In my experience, I know that if you have a child with ADHD, it is possible for them to drive someday. It may not be easy, but they can do it. Just give them lots of encouragement and be patient.
Do I Make a Halloween Costume or Buy One?
I love the Halloween season. I love all things fall! The one thing I stress about Halloween is Halloween costumes for the children. My kids are great; they always know exactly what they want to be. That has never been the problem. My stress as the mother is, do I make a Halloween costume or buy one?
In the past, I have done both. When my kids were younger, there were some Halloween’s that I would attempt to make their costumes. Some years I have bought them. In the years I have bought them, I always felt like I wasn’t a great mom because I didn’t make this fantastic costume for my kids to wear.
During the years I made their costumes, I would try hard to be like the other moms and make these beautiful costumes. I would spend hours trying to make these costumes, and in the end, they never really turned out great, and I would feel like a horrible mom because their costumes weren’t these great, amazing costumes.
I have concluded this about myself in just these last couple of years. I AM NOT A CRAFTY PERSON!! Making costumes was just not my thing. It was the most stressful thing and would take me twice as long to make as it should. Making them for me took the fun out of the holiday season. I love doing all the fun fall festivities in our town. During the years that I would make the costumes, I felt like I didn’t have time to take the kids to do all the fun activities.
So, I stopped making their costumes. I buy them now. It has taken the stress out. We have more time as a family to do fun activities for Halloween. It has taken me a long time to feel good about not making costumes. I always felt like less of a mom when I didn’t make them.
I have bought costumes for the last couple of years, and I have no feeling of guilt. It is the best choice for my family and me. We enjoy the season so much more than we used to. I admire those who can make their children’s costumes or even their own. It just isn’t my thing. You are still a great person if you don’t make costumes. You do what is best for you and your situation.
In short, do I make a Halloween costume or buy one? My vote will always be to buy one! What do you do? Do you make your costumes, or do you buy them?
Warning Signs of Tactile Defensiveness
My son has been diagnosed with tactile defensiveness. Many of you may be wondering what tactile defensiveness is and what that means for someone with it.
Tactile defensiveness is a term used to describe hypersensitivity to touch. Individuals who experience tactile defensiveness are more bothered by the feel of things that touch their skin. Sensitivity may occur with food textures, clothing or fabric textures, self-care tasks, and receiving a hug or kiss. Or, it could be with specific items like paper, pencil, or messy play. Individuals who are sensitive to touch may respond by avoiding sensations or having a more significant reaction than would be expected or seen in others.
Looking back on my son’s childhood up until his diagnosis, there were a lot of warning signs of tactile defensiveness.
My son was my first child. When we brought him home from the hospital, we quickly noticed that he would cry every single time that we changed his diaper. With him being my first, I didn’t think anything of it. I figured that is how babies were. My mom lived close by and came over quite a bit the first week we were home from the hospital. She kept saying that he shouldn’t be crying when his diaper was changed. So we started trying many things to make him comfortable when we changed him. We tried different diapers, but that didn’t work. We tried different wipes, and that helped a little bit. We settled on a very soft wipe. He didn’t stop crying when we changed him until my mom bought us a wipe warmer. Luckily, after a couple of months, this finally got him to stop crying. It wasn’t until our diagnosis that we didn’t fully understand why he was crying when we changed him. He didn’t like the feel of the cold wipe on his bum.
Another strange thing that happened was at bath time. He loved being in the bath, but he would start crying as soon as we would get him out. It was every single time. We thought it might be because he didn’t want to get out of the bath. That wasn’t it, though. It was a different kind of cry. He would also cry hard when I rubbed lotion on him after his bath. My mom once again mentioned that he shouldn’t cry when I put lotion on him. We couldn’t figure out why he was doing that. Let’s say that I dreaded bath time. I would go as long as I could without bathing him because it was an awful experience. Once again, we didn’t understand why he was crying at bath time until we got our diagnosis of tactile defensiveness. He didn’t like the feel of the cold when he got out of the bath. He hated the feeling of me rubbing lotion all over his body.
Those were the two significant early signs of tactile defensiveness.
Another sign that I remember is that he hated baby food. It didn’t matter what it was he didn’t like it. I could get him to eat some of the fruit because it was sweet, but he didn’t enjoy baby food. Once he started eating solid foods, he only ate solid things, like chicken nuggets. He wouldn’t eat anything slimy or gooey. We still have a problem with this, which is our most challenging battle.
Looking back, another sign I can remember is that he wouldn’t touch certain things with his fingers or hands. He would never pick things up and put them in his mouth. Do you know how some babies find things on the ground and put them in their mouths? He never did this. I am unsure if it was because he was just a good baby or because he never wanted anything in his mouth. He never had his toys in his mouth or balls or anything like that.
These are the things that I can remember that were definite signs of tactile defensiveness after looking back on them. Once we got our diagnosis of tactile defensiveness, everything up to that point made so much sense.
Helping a Child with Tactile Defensiveness Overcome Eating Challenges
Tactile defensiveness can pose significant challenges for children when it comes to eating. Sensory sensitivities can make mealtimes overwhelming and stressful. However, with patience, understanding, and a strategic approach, parents and caregivers can help their children overcome tactile defensiveness and develop a healthier relationship with food.
Understanding Tactile Defensiveness
Tactile defensiveness, or tactile hypersensitivity, is a condition where individuals experience an overreaction to certain tactile stimuli. For children with tactile defensiveness, the textures, temperatures, and physical sensations associated with food can trigger aversive responses, making eating a daunting task. It is important to remember that each child’s experience is unique, and their aversions may vary.
Create a Calm and Supportive Environment
Creating a calm and supportive environment during mealtimes is crucial for helping a child with tactile defensiveness. Reduce distractions, such as loud noises or bright lights, that may heighten their sensory overload. Establish a predictable routine and provide clear expectations. Encourage positive associations with food by incorporating enjoyable activities or storytelling into mealtimes.
Gradual Exposure to New Foods
Introducing new foods gradually is key to helping a child with tactile defensiveness expand their palate. Start with small portions of unfamiliar foods and pair them with preferred items. Please encourage them to gradually explore the new food with their senses, allowing them to touch, smell, and interact with it without pressure to eat. Celebrate any progress made, regardless of how small it may seem.
Food Texture Modifications
Food textures can be particularly challenging for children with tactile defensiveness. Modifying the textures of certain foods can help make them more manageable. Pureeing or blending foods to create smoother textures or offering crunchy alternatives like vegetable sticks instead of raw fruits can provide more tolerable options for children with tactile sensitivities.
Consulting with Occupational Therapists
Occupational therapists specializing in sensory processing can provide valuable guidance and strategies tailored to your child’s needs. They can offer techniques to desensitize their tactile sensitivity over time and suggest activities to improve sensory integration. Collaborating with these professionals can significantly enhance your child’s progress and overall well-being.
Helping a child with tactile defensiveness overcome eating challenges requires patience, understanding, and a supportive approach. By creating a calm environment, gradually introducing new foods, and seeking professional assistance, parents can empower their children to develop healthier relationships with food.
