One Simple Way to Improve Communication With Your Child

Wow, it’s been a while! Summer has been hectic for this crew. Between band, soccer tournaments, and all the running around, it feels like we haven’t had a chance to catch our breath.

One thing I’ve noticed during the summer months is that my kids tend to talk to me more. I think it’s because our lives slow down just a little, and we’re not rushing from one school-related thing to the next.

As I’ve been having these deeper conversations with my kids, I was reminded of something I’ve mostly done with my oldest daughter, something I felt was worth sharing.

A few years ago, I noticed she often wanted to talk to me about something, but she seemed nervous or unsure of how to bring it up. When I asked why, she’d just shrug and say, “I don’t know.” (Side note: I absolutely hate that answer. It drives me crazy.)

It was clear she had something important on her mind, so one day I asked if she’d rather write it down. She said yes. I can’t even remember what that first message was about, but I’m so glad she wrote instead of keeping it bottled up inside.

And that’s how our conversation journal began.

I bought a notebook that was just for her and me. (Occasionally, Dad reads it if needed, but mostly, it’s just ours.) No one else is allowed to read it. It’s her safe place to say whatever she needs to say without fear or pressure.

Here’s how it works: she keeps the journal in her room. When she wants to ask or tell me something, especially something that’s hard to say out loud, she writes it in the journal and leaves it on my nightstand. When I see it there, I know she has something she wants to talk about.

I’ll write a response and leave it on her nightstand when I’m done. Sometimes I reply right away, and sometimes I need a day or two to gather my thoughts. If I need extra time, I’ll let her know so she’s not left wondering.

This simple little notebook has made such a difference in our relationship. She’s opened up in ways she never used to. She’s asked real, meaningful questions, and I’m so grateful I was the one she trusted to talk to. She’s not afraid to bring anything up anymore.

Why I Love the Conversation Journal

Open Communication

My daughter knows she can write whatever she needs or wants to. Nothing is off limits, and she doesn’t have to feel awkward or nervous about how to say it out loud. Writing helps her process her thoughts, and it helps me understand her better, too.

Clear Answers

Let’s be honest: sometimes our kids come to us with questions and we’re caught completely off guard. We fumble for the right words and may not say what we meant to say. The journal gives me time to think. I can process my thoughts and respond in a way that’s calm, thoughtful, and clear. I’m always more articulate when I can write things out.

No Anger

Reading what my daughter writes reminds me that she’s being honest and vulnerable, and that matters. Especially with teens, it’s important to be careful with our reactions. If we’re too reactive or dismissive, they’ll stop talking to us. I’ve learned that staying calm and respecting her feelings, even when I disagree, is the best way to keep the conversation going.

Of course, sometimes we still need to talk in person. Writing just gets us started. From there, we can sit down and go over everything together. It’s not always practical to write a full response when a conversation would be quicker, but the journal makes that first step a lot less intimidating.

This journal has strengthened our relationship. Now that she’s older, she doesn’t use it as often, she just comes and talks to me instead. But I truly believe the journal helped build that foundation.

And now, my younger daughter has her own journal with me. She saw how her sister and I were connecting and wanted to do the same thing. It’s been just as meaningful with her, too.

If you have a child who struggles to talk to you, I really recommend trying a conversation journal. It’s a small thing, but it can make a huge difference. It shows your child you’re there for them, no matter what, and that their voice matters.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. You just have to try.

Happy Journaling.