Keeping Birthday Parties Simple (and Sane)

I hate to say this, but I need to be honest. I am not very fond of throwing birthday parties with friends. There, I said it. To me, birthday parties are exhausting and expensive.

Let me explain what I mean by a birthday party. A birthday party to me is when you come up with a theme, you invite a bunch of your child’s friends over, you have piñatas and goodie bags, a craft of some kind the kids can do, food for them to eat. The list can go on and on.

Kids running around the house like we are at a zoo does not scream fun for me. Being an introvert, I get so overstimulated. Because of this, I don’t throw my kids a birthday party every year. As my kids have grown up, I have come to realize that my kids don’t need a huge birthday party every single year.

While we don’t have these large birthday parties with friends each and every year, we still get together every year with family and have dessert or dinner, and celebrate with gifts. We still celebrate, it just isn’t a big production.

In this day and age it seems like we have to throw these big elaborate birthday parties that need to Instagram worthy. It is almost like we are all competing to have the biggest and best birthday party. Good for those people than can go all out for their kids birthdays. I even admire the people that can be creative and use a birthday party for their creative outlet. Unfortunately, that is not me at all. I love simple and I want you to know that it is still great to be simple with your birthday parties.

I believe they can still have a really good birthday without having an elaborate yearly party. Our family now goes a couple of years in between big birthday parties. I generally do them on big birthday years. Here are some simple rules we follow.

Birthday Party Rules I Follow

AGE 5 – This is the first year I will throw a birthday party with friends for my child. Before they turn five, I feel the kids don’t understand about friend parties. This is usually the year they start elementary school, and they have had some interaction with a few more kids. I will do a theme but I won’t make it to elaborate.

AGE 8 – Age 8 is the year the kids usually get the most excited about having a birthday party. They understand who their friends are and interact with them well. They can also help you more with the party. With help from you, have your child come up with a theme, what activities they want to do, and even what food they want to eat.

Please keep in mind, the more kids you invite the more chaotic it will be. As a rule of thumb I like to let them invite as many friends as they are turning. For age 8 they can invite 8 friends. This has generally worked out fine but of course there can be leeway with this. You can decide how many kids you want running around!

AGE 12 – This year, the parties get a little easier. The kids usually have a set group of friends that they want to have over. They usually want to hang out and not have constant parent supervision. I still supervise, but it isn’t as organized. This is the age we start having late nights. We don’t do sleepovers so they will have their friends over until late evening, usually around ten or ten thirty. Read more about how we do late nights.

AGE 16 – This year is a little complicated. Whether your child wants a birthday party depends on your child. My oldest did not want to have a friend’s party; he just wanted to hang out with the family. He is more of an introvert, so this was understandable.

My younger children are not yet 16 but they are more extroverted, I almost guarantee they will want to have a party the year they turn 16. For their 16th birthday party I let them decide everything they wish to do at their party. I will mostly help them execute it. It most likely will be a late night, but they plan the whole thing with little help from me.

At the end of the day, birthdays are about making your child feel loved and celebrated, not about checking boxes or impressing anyone. If throwing a big party every year brings you joy, go for it. But if it doesn’t, that’s okay too. A quiet celebration, a slice of cake, and some time together can be just as meaningful. Simple doesn’t mean less, it just means less stress, and for our family, it’s perfect.