Family
A place for posts about our family, our challenges, successes, and everything we do and enjoy. We hope to connect with others who face the same challenges we do and want people to see that they're not alone, that everyone doesn't live perfectly, and that we are all perfectly imperfect.
Don’t Allow Sleepovers? Have a Late Night Instead!
I remember having sleepovers when I was young. I would have them with friends or neighbors once or twice a month. I would be so nervous when asking my mom if I could have a sleepover. When she said yes, I would get so excited that I would jump up and down. It was always so much fun to have them. We would stay up late and be silly. Those were the days!
Times have changed since then. When my husband and I started having kids, we decided not to allow our kids to have sleepovers. They can have sleepovers at their cousins’ or grandparents’ houses, or their cousins can sleep at our house, but we don’t allow them to have a sleepover with friends. We have our reasons, but I will not get into that.
Instead of having sleepovers, we let our kids have a “late night.” I am guessing that you may be asking what a late night is. A late night is when our kids invite their friends to come to our house from about 6 pm to about 10-11 pm. They have dinner, watch a movie, play board or card games, and have a good time full of silliness and laughter.
Late-Night Activity Ideas
EAT FOOD, LOTS OF FOOD – We always have food at our late nights. We are foodies, so we always have food when people are over. We usually order pizza for the kids, but there have been a few occasions when the kids have made homemade pizzas. They enjoy making their own pizzas. We also have snacks for when they play board or card games or watch a movie.
PLAY BOARD OR CARD GAMES – The kids love to play board and card games during their late nights. If the weather is warm, they will go outside and play yard or night games. We will set up a volleyball net and let them play volleyball or whatever they want to do with that. If the weather is colder, they will play card games inside. There are so many different card games you can have them choose from. A few of the card games that our kids enjoy playing with their friends are:
- Moose Master
- Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza
- Cover Your Assets
- Five Crowns
- Karma
WATCH A MOVIE – We always have good intentions in having them watch a movie, but we make sure it is kid-appropriate. It seems like they will always start watching a movie, but then they start talking and goofing off and never finish it! For some reason, they still insist on watching a movie every time!
OTHER FUN ACTIVITIES – You can also do other fun activities. The last time my oldest daughter had a late night, they dipped and decorated strawberries. When my son has a late night, he and his friends like to play video games the entire time. It is one of the times I let them play without a time limit. You can have them paint their nails, play laser tag, decorate cupcakes or cookies, or play night games. It doesn’t need to be elaborate; keep it simple.
A late night might seem more overwhelming than having a sleepover, but it isn’t. It is such a good opportunity for the kids to socialize with their friends and for you to get to know the friends your kids hang out with.
The kids always ask to have late nights because they enjoy them, and I don’t feel like they are missing out on anything by not having a sleepover.
What do you do in your family? If you don’t have sleepovers like us, what do you do to let your kids hang out with their friends? Do you have any ideas other than a late night? If you do, I would love to hear them. Please leave a comment; I would love to hear from you!
3 Summer Rules for Our Summer Vacation
I don’t know about other families, but in our family, my kids think that summer vacation equals laziness and that they don’t have to do anything. I am unsure where they picked up on that idea, but I want to break them of that habit this summer. To help me break this habit, I have created rules and chores they must follow before being on electronics or hanging out with friends. These include getting ready and doing personal and other chores around the house.
They need more structure to be more productive this summer than in past summers. They are way past old enough to help me keep the house clean. They should have started helping me with the house years ago. I know you are probably asking why I have never had them help me around the house more, and the simple answer is I don’t know.
After school ended, I sat my children down, and we discussed what I was expecting of them this summer break. I explained to them that I would love to do some fun activities, but I can only do that if we keep the house somewhat clean. I also explained that I didn’t want my summer to be spent picking up after them.
Here are the new rules.
GET READY FOR THE DAY IN THE MORNING
Usually, the kids like to be pretty slow in the mornings, which is fine with me to a degree. I don’t want it to be lunchtime before they get ready for the day. I am fine with them chilling for a little bit when they get up, but I would like them to get ready for the day shortly after that.
Getting ready for the day includes:
- Having Breakfast
- Getting Dressed (my kids usually shower at night, but if they don’t, this would include them showering in the morning).
- Brushing Teeth
- Doing Hair (my girls hate this one). I don’t care if they do their hair, just as long as it is brushed and looks like they fixed it.
COMPLETE EVERYDAY CHORES
I would like them to do their daily chores after they get ready. I have found out that if they don’t do their chores in the morning, they will never get the chores done. I have them do two different chores. There are the everyday chores that they are expected to get done every day. Then, there are the chores that can change daily or that I need help with.
- Picking up their room
- Making their bed
- Putting dirty clothes in the hamper
- Vacuuming their room if it needs it
- Picking up the bathroom
COMPLETE HOUSEHOLD CHORES
After they complete their daily chores, I will usually have one or two chores I need them to complete around the house to help me out. These can include things like:
- Loading/unloading dishwasher
- Vacuuming
- Dusting
- Laundry
- Picking up the living room/craft room
- Cleaning out the car
This list of chores changes daily, depending on what I need help with. I try not to have too many chores because no one wants to spend their whole day cleaning. I don’t even want to do that as an adult, so I can’t expect my kids to clean all day. I hope they can finish this all in the morning, and we can play by lunchtime!
I would like all of their chores done before lunch. After lunch, they can have free time. We will go to the pool or the park. Sometimes, we have planned activities. This is why I would like them to get their chores done early. I like to have fun with my kids, but keeping the house in order is important to me. I try to balance them both.
CHALLENGES WE FACE IN OUR HOUSE
I must confess I always start the summers well with all these rules and high expectations. I usually am very strict about it for about the first two weeks, and then I slowly get less and less strict as the summer goes on. I am hoping these rules are easy enough that we can last a little longer than a few weeks. Of course, it will last all summer in my perfect world, but I know that will never happen. I hope they pick up a few skills that will continue into the school year.
You must also keep in mind that every child is different. My son has ADHD and is very unorganized. He also gets distracted very easily. I can’t ask him to go clean his room. It will never get done. I have to ask him to do small tasks.
I can ask one of my daughters to go clean her room, and she will be able to get most of it cleaned on her own without my help. I usually help her with the last bit, like throwing the trash away or reminding her to vacuum.
My youngest does not like to clean at all. She will usually throw a tantrum for a while before she even starts cleaning. Once she realizes I won’t back down and she still has to clean, I usually have to be in the room to keep her on track.
I am sure your children have different personalities and need to be motivated differently, just as my children do. Keep that in mind when you are coming up with your own rules or chores.
Do you have rules like this for the summer? I hope some of these ideas help you stay a little sane this summer while your children are home. I would love to hear your ideas on what you have your children do in the summer to help around the house. Please leave me a comment. For now, Happy Summer!
Should You Give Your Children an Allowance?
Until the last couple of years, we never gave our children an allowance. I just never thought it was necessary. I couldn’t see the reasoning behind providing an 8-year-old with their own money, but I also thought about this for years. Should you give your children an allowance?
When my oldest was about 12, I read a lot of blog posts about giving your child an allowance. There were so many different opinions and options on how to give your child an allowance. After reading multiple articles about allowances, I found a couple that resonated with me. These articles were different from everything else I had read or thought about. What I liked most about what I read was that these articles had rules for giving the kids allowances, which I thought was important.
The Allowance Rules I Liked
- The allowance is not tied to anything; you give it to them without any expectations.
- I WILL not give an allowance for good grades.
- I do not give an allowance for doing chores.
- The best rule is that you stop buying things for them.
- I don’t love this last rule, but you should let them use their money however they want (within reason, obviously).
The allowance is not tied to anything, so they don’t have to earn it. Each month, we just put the money into their account. I will explain later how much we give them.
I will not give an allowance for good grades. School is vital to us as parents. Our children are expected to go to school and earn good grades. Are they expected to have straight A’s? No, they are not. They are expected to do the best that they can. We will not pay them to do well in school. This is just an expectation.
I do not give an allowance for doing chores. Everyone in the house is expected to help keep it clean. Everyone pitches in and helps. Is our house spotless? Nope, never. We do the best we can to keep it clean. They each have their own space that they need to stay clean, and they do the best they can.
The best rule is that I stopped buying everything for them. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I buy the necessary things for them, such as clothes, school supplies, specific activities, or vacations. The things I won’t buy for them are what they want, such as stuffed animals, toys, and clothes they want, not what they need or treats at the store. They have to buy all these things themselves.
This last rule is the hardest for me. You are supposed to let them spend their money however they want. You let them spend their money whether they want to buy a shirt with it or a treat. My kids usually want a treat, a toy, or a stuffed animal. I am not a massive fan of this rule because my kids have too many stuffed animals, and I don’t want them to buy more. I try to guide them, but ultimately, they are in charge of their money.
How Much Allowance Should You Give Your Kids?
How much allowance you give your kids is a personal choice. This is how we do it, though. It is all based on age. So, for how old they are, that is how much they get for the week, for example, with my children. My 16-year-old gets sixteen dollars a week, so they get sixty-four dollars a month. My 12-year-old gets twelve dollars a week, so they get forty-eight dollars a month.
Reasons to Give Your Kids an Allowance
I finally realized why an allowance was so good for my kids. It gives them a chance to learn money management. When they want to buy something, they always ask if they have enough money. Most of the time, they do, but sometimes, they don’t, and I feel like that is a good lesson for them. This teaches them that if they want something more expensive, they need to save money to buy that item.
The other nice thing is that they have stopped asking me for stuff every time we go to the store. They know that if they want something unnecessary, they have to buy it themselves.
When they do want to buy something, I usually make them pay for it themselves. This allows them to learn how to interact with the cashier and the actual process of buying something.
I am shocked to see how each child spends their money differently. One child has saved money for months and bought something significant. Another child saves their money and doesn’t buy very much with their money. Their account has grown quite a bit. Then I have one that spends and spends their money. They love to go to the store and shop. They are the child that is a shopaholic. I am unsure where she picked that up because I am not a shopper!
So far, these are the reasons I love that we have chosen to give our children an allowance. Every family is different, and you must do what is best for your family. As for our family, this is what works great for us.
Do you give your children an allowance? If you do, what techniques do you use? What do you do differently? Do your children have to earn their allowance? I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment!
Our Family’s Two Completely Different Types of Picky Eaters
The other day, I was talking to my youngest daughter about her picky eating. She commented about how she is a picky eater, but her brother is a picky eater, and he has an excuse. Then she said she was so sorry about being a picky eater. After some thought, I realized my family has two types of picky eaters.
Our Picky Eater #1 – My Son
Our family’s number one picky eater is my son. He has tactile defensiveness. (Read more about his challenges with tactile defensiveness). If you’ve been following this blog, you’ve heard about it, but for a quick overview, my son doesn’t like how things feel on his skin. This also includes how food feels in his mouth. Because he has tactile defensiveness in his mouth, he has difficulty eating certain foods.
Finding something for him to eat at mealtime is challenging and a daily struggle. He won’t eat anything slimy or gooey, such as soup or pasta with any sauce. What usually ends up happening is he will find something he likes to eat, and then he eats that until he doesn’t like it anymore, and then the process starts all over. This makes it hard for me to make dinner for him. He will usually try something new if it doesn’t look too gooey. A lot of the time, I typically have to find something else for him to eat other than what we are having for dinner.
I know there are a lot of you out there who are probably saying make him eat what you cook. With him, it just isn’t that simple. I try to make food for dinner that he will eat, but sometimes, I like to make what I want to eat. I make him try it, and sometimes he will, but he often doesn’t like how it feels in his mouth. So, with him, I try to do the best I can.
Our Picky Eater #2 – My Youngest Daughter
Our family’s number two picky eater is my youngest daughter. She doesn’t like anything. Listen, I mean anything when I say she doesn’t like anything. I try to make a variety of food for her, but she won’t eat anything. She is the most stubborn person I have ever met! Her essential meal is pasta but without sauce. It’s just plain old pasta, sometimes with melted butter. There are very few other things that she will eat.
It is hard to explain why she has to eat something when her brother doesn’t. She has grown up watching her brother being a picky eater, so she comes by it honestly and thinks she doesn’t have to eat something if he doesn’t. She is still young and doesn’t fully understand her brother’s condition. We have tried explaining it to her, but it is hard for her to comprehend. Now that she is getting older, she is starting to understand, but that hasn’t made up for the years of her picky eating.
I believe most of her picky eating comes from being afraid. She’s often afraid to try something new and thinks she will not like it, so she doesn’t try it.
How Do I Handle My Family’s Picky Eaters?
Now that you understand more about what kind of picky eaters I have, you are probably wondering how I handle it. Honestly, there is no magical way to handle it. The best thing I do to help them with their picky eating is encouragement. I try to encourage them to try new foods. It doesn’t always work, but when it does, it feels like such a milestone for me and for them.
Is there some magical way to get your picky eater to eat? I am going to say no. I think each child is different. What works with my son doesn’t work with my daughter. I would do the best you can with your child. They can be stubborn, that is for sure. I must remind myself to keep going constantly; you are doing great!
I would love to hear from anyone with a picky eater and how they deal with it. I often feel at my wits’ end. Please comment and share your knowledge so we can all help each other.
3 Fun Therapy Activities for Kids With Tactile Defensiveness
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, meaning if you decide to make a purchase via these links, I may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. See my disclaimers for more information.When my son was first diagnosed with tactile defensiveness, we had to do a lot of occupational therapy with him. We took him to an occupational therapist but also had some in-home occupational therapy. I learned a lot from these therapy sessions. I want to share three activities that my son liked the most.
#1 – Sensory Bins
Sensory bins are a great therapy activity to do with kids who have tactile defensiveness. To create a sensory bin first take a couple bags of rice and dump it into a medium size container. We always used a container that had a lid, so we could just store it for later. Spread a blanket out on your floor and put the container in the middle of the blanket. Gather a some small toys that your child enjoys playing with and hide them in the rice. Have your child dig through the rice and find their toys. This makes a mess, so you have a blanket to catch spilled rice under the container.
Don’t push your child too much to start digging in the rice. Let them go at their own pace. It helps them if you play along in the rice with them and show them how to find their toys. Eventually, they will do this on their own. My son used his little pointer finger to dig in the rice the first time he did this. He did not like the feel of the rice on his hands at all. After several times doing this activity, he finally would dig through the rice with both of his hands. I would also give him spoons and cups, and he would scoop up the rice and put it in the cup. Once he was comfortable playing in the rice, I would have him put his bare feet in it. Once again, he did not like this initially but eventually got used to it. After a while, you can get the container out, and your child should be able to play in it independently.
You can also put dried beans or uncooked noodles in the sensory bin. I had three separate sensory beans with rice, beans, and noodles. When I wanted my son to do therapy, I would get one of the containers out. This would keep him occupied for at least an hour.
Amazon.com also offers some sensory bins available for sale, if you don’t want to make one yourself. Here’s a couple of quick and easy options!
- A Dinosaur Themed Sensory Bin (via Amazon.com)
- A Farm Themed Sensory Bin (via Amazon.com)
- A Sensory Kids Table (via Amazon.com)
#2 – Shaving Cream Play
Shaving cream play is another great therapy activity to do with kids who have tactile defensiveness. This activity is very messy, so I would recommend doing it on a table. Take a cookie sheet and spray shaving cream onto it. You can start with just a little at first, or you can do a lot. Put toy cars or other small toys in the shaving cream. I liked to drive the cars through the shaving cream with my son. Show your child how fun it is to play in the shaving cream. The hope is that your child will start playing with you.
Shaving cream play was more difficult than the sensory bins for my son. He started out moving his car around with one finger. If he got too much shaving cream on his finger, he would need to wipe it off. Over time, he eventually put his hand in the shaving cream.
Another thing that you can use in place of the shaving cream is pudding. If you can get them to put the pudding in their mouth, that is huge. My son would never do this, but maybe your child will.
#3 – Water Table Play
If you can, I would invest in a water table. It doesn’t have to be a big one, a small one will do. Our son loved this therapy activity because it allowed him to really use his imagination, and he loved playing in the water. We started with just water in the water table with a couple of fun toys. After our son was comfortable with just the water and toys we started adding additional things to the water. A few ideas of things we added were bubbles, water beads, and artificial snow. You can use anything you can think of as long as you can clean it out of the table. Plus, water table play is a great activity in the summer months when the kids can be outside.
Water table play was my son’s favorite of all of the therapy activities we did. He would spend hours outside playing with the water table.
These therapy activities are great for any child but especially great for kids with tactile defensiveness. I hope that these activities help you as much as they helped my son and me. Do you have any activities that you do to help your child with tactile defensiveness? I would love to hear all of your ideas! Remember, you don’t have to be perfect when helping your child. You just need to do your best!
